Dok Bua Thong

My little child wakes up.
His face reflects that he has had a good dream.

My little child wakes up.
His face doesn’t look good.
It seems he has had a bad dream.

Sometimes, my child laughs.
But sometimes my child cries
because he doesn’t see me.
Sometimes, he cries because he’s sick, or he cries because he has wet his diaper.

If he gets well, he doesn’t cry
because he’s fine and not sick anymore.
When my child is sick
and I don’t know what’s wrong with him, I sometimes cry too.

If I know what‘s wrong with my child, then, he will be alright.

Written by “Dok Bua Thong,” the name of the flower which only grows in the mountain side

At the beginning of August (2006) we took Dok Bua Thong to visit her grandmother’s village as one step in the preparation for her to exit the Wildflower Home program. It took us nearly 5 hours to reach to the village that is only a little over 100 miles away. Some parts of the road are muddy, with one edge contouring along the side of the mountains, the other dangerously left open to the cliff over the deep valley. The lanes were so narrow that if a car passed by from the other direction, either one of us had to back up until we found an adequate space through which both vehicles could go.

One of our acquaintances commented, “We can very much tell the history of the road and the space by its land marks.” Most of the paths that lead to the indigenous villages often are conditioned by natural surroundings, and sometimes by marks that are left by human acts. In the hilly area like Dok Bua Thong’s grandmother’s home, the path is formed by the mountains, the trees and by the weather conditions. Humans, through much effort, also leave marks that help to accommodate the passer by. Yet, we almost missed a turn by the old sign that had faded in time.

Looking at Dok Bua Thong holding her chubby little child in the back seat of the vehicle, I prayed that I could take them to the village safely. As for Dok Bua Thong, the history of her life also has been marked with many deep scars that were left by other humans, including her loved ones.

Dok Bua Thong came to us almost a year ago, after she had barely reached the age of 15. She had given birth to a premature child that weighed less than 2 kilograms (about 4 pounds). Both mother and child arrived when the child was a week old. Dok Bua Thong’s father is an alcoholic and quite abusive; her mother had migrated from her village to the city to find work for a few years. She had the responsibility of caring for her four year old brother before coming to us. Her education had been quite limited. So also her hygiene had been very lacking; her body and clothes reeked of an odor that caused one to vomit when entering the same room with her.

Dok Bua Thong was born into a Karen family from the northern Thai highlands. Her village is adjacent to the border of Burma. From the custom of her village she had to wear a warm hat for one month after giving birth. The hat not only covered her long black hair, but it also covered her sad eyes that were full of pain. She had a difficult time looking at people. Somehow she managed to wear a smile on her face, but her eyes and her fast, slurred words revealed something much different deep within. Though her life had been beaten down one too many times, her disposition toward her child and others was always calm.

We washed Dok Bua Thong’s clothes by hand over and over trying to remove the smell from them and spent time taking care of her immediate needs, giving her time and space to rest and bond with her baby, bringing meals to her, assuring she was properly feeding her baby. Her baby was premature and had difficulty eating. He slept so much. Was it normal for him to be so drowsy all the time? We longed for any movement from him, even a tiny cry because crying required energy. If he had energy to cry, perhaps he was doing OK. A visit to the doctor two weeks later revealed a healthy weight gain. Relief.

Our social worker helped Dok Bua Thong to come up with a plan to continue her education and learn some new skills while she remained with us. Dok Bua Thong was given an opportunity to work part time while at our center and save money that she will able to use as she sets up a new life for herself and her son. Her tasks included working in the kitchen, which she found very enjoyable because no one had properly taught her how to cook before, and gardening which she was already quite good at.

During the New Year we brought Dok Bua Thong back to her village to see her relatives. The villagers were all surprised at the progress she had made in being able to be responsible for caring for her own child. We were surprised, on the other hand, at the very poor conditions we found. Her home was extremely simple and very little, about 12 square meters (less than 130 square feet) in which half was an outdoor space for cooking and dining and the other half was a sleeping area for the family. Literally there was no food in the house for the family to eat. Later we learned that she and her baby were made to sleep on the outdoor porch in the cold, dampness of the winter’s night. By the time she returned to Chiang Mai five days later her breast had quit producing milk and she complained of a deep hunger in her stomach.

Dok Bua Thong was supported by our staff and other women in the program. She was taught how to care properly for herself and her baby. She was given chances to study cooking in a vocational training school. She was taught some basic computer skills. In meetings she has opportunities to express her views without being ridiculed. In this safe place she was able to blossom as she had never before been able to.

With the love Dok BuaThong has for her child, the child will be alright. She looks like a new woman compared to when she arrived. She is able to hold her head high and look people in the eye when she talks with them. At the age of sixteen she will leave us soon with a one year old child. Though the odds are against such a teenager, with the love she has received and shared with her child, and with the new skills she has learned and the knowledge that she no longer needs to accept abuse from anyone, we believe she will have a better chance at a decent life for herself and her child.

As she once shared with us “I will do my best to take care of him...,” the history of her life has turned to a new page with fresh and lovely marks.