The story of Fuong Fah

When you look at the sky just before a big storm hits, you can see dark clouds, called korn mek in Thai, gathering overhead. Watching them, a sense of foreboding may enter your heart as you wonder how seriously the power hidden within the big, dark clouds might damage the elements of your life and home. You might worry that your house will be swept away by heavy rains, or that the roads to your town might fill up like swimming pools, cutting off access in and out. Maybe the electricity will go down and your town will be covered with darkness. No food! No drinking water! No light! No home! No escape! Think about that. Consider how your life would be if the worst did happen.

There lives a hill tribe girl who found herself under clouds such as these, and the worst did indeed happen: She unexpectedly found herself pregnant by her Thai boyfriend, contrary to the strict traditions of the Hmong tribe in which she was born and reared. She could perceive hardly any light in the cloudy skies looming over her life.

Fuang Fah (a pseudonym) is a very shy 19-year-old girl who was born to a large family in a Hmong village located in Tak, a northern province of Thailand. She has two brothers and two sisters, ranging in age from 12 to 23. Her father was a drug dealer who was caught and sentenced to jail. Her elder brother and sister are married and have their own children. Her elder sister moved to live with her husband’s family when she got married, leaving only her mother and elder brother to take care of Fuang Fah and her younger siblings.

After Fuang Fah finished Grade 6 at the primary school near her village, she did not go on to high school but worked on the family farm for a few years. She then moved to Bangkok, where she met a special someone and fell in love with him. In the crowded capital city, life is not easy for unskilled people like Fuang Fah. She found work with a cleaning agency, and earned a small salary mopping floors and cleaning toilets at the Big C Superstore. Her life during this period seemed to be a happy one, though, because she was in love with her boyfriend and believed he truly loved her, too. Unfortunately, her happiness was short-lived. She was horrified to learn that her boyfriend had a second girlfriend. When he learned that Fuang Fah was pregnant, she was even more horrified when he refused to marry her and provide for her and their child. The words “pregnant and alone” thundered in her mind again and again and again.

Fuang Fah was so confused she didn’t know what to do. She felt she couldn’t stay in Bangkok, but returning to her village didn’t seem possible either. Hmong customs and traditions surrounding marriage and childbearing are terribly strict, and there is simply no provision for unwed motherhood. A married woman does not belong to her birth family any longer because the ancestors of her family no longer accept her. A married couple is forbidden to have sex in the house of the wife’s family, so a Hmong woman must go to live with her husband’s family. During childbirth, the laboring woman’s mother cannot even touch her, and afterwards the new mother may not enter the home of her birth family for one month. Knowing these things and despite these things, the warmth of home and family still called to Fuang Fah and eventually drew her to return to them.

It was so very difficult for Fuang Fah to confess all that had happened, but she did get through it. She remained with her family and kept her pregnancy a secret from the rest of the village until she was five months along. That’s when her growing abdomen threatened to betray her secret. To avoid having her shame revealed, Fuang Fah considered having an abortion, but discarded that option after learning how dangerous an abortion could be at that middle stage of pregnancy. Seeing no other alternative, Fuang Fah’s mother decided to find another man to marry Fuang Fah, so that her daughter would not be embarrassed and would not have to face the impossible demands of her tribal customs during and after childbirth.

Again Fuang Fah was terribly confused. She did not want to marry to another man. She feared that if she did marry and have another child, her husband would reject her first child, the fruit of his wife and her former boyfriend. If she did not get married, though, there would be no mother-in-law to assist her through the birth process, and no place to live during the month after delivery when she would not be allowed to enter the home of her parents. In addition to all these practical considerations, it pained Fuang Fah to know that she would be vilified by her community for dishonoring her family and her village and her tribe.

A decision needed to be made but Fuang Fah didn’t know how to choose between the two dreadful options she’d been given. That’s when her mother heard about the Wildflower Home and got the telephone number. Fuang Fah decided to call even though she knew very little about this project. She was so relieved when she was accepted into the program and had someplace to live and receive the care she would need.

When she first entered the program, Fuang Fah still had trouble accepting what had happened to her. She worried about the challenges of supporting herself and tending to her child’s needs without a husband. She wondered where she would even keep her child after giving a birth. Gradually, though, Fuang Fah’s anxiety has abated through participation in the activities at Wildflower Home. Every weekday morning, she joins the Morning Circle. In this circle, every woman takes a turn leading the activities, which begin with a short meditation. Then the staff shares the plan for the day with the program participants and invites their questions and input. After these details are resolved, the staff and residents sing a song together to welcome the day and celebrate the gift of life. Fuang Fah has as many chances to act as activity leader as every other woman, and this has built her confidence and self esteem. These days, she is far more prepared to speak than when she first arrived, and eagerly contributes her share.

When the Morning Circle has ended, Fuang Fah and the other women tackle their Thai and English language studies. Mastery of the Thai language is a necessary step towards equipping hill tribe women for employment in Thai society; competency in the English language helps them win jobs in the booming tourism industry. When classes are over, the residents work as assigned until lunch time, and each receives a small income for their efforts. Fuang Fah is saving her money for the future. When she leaves the project, she will do so with the assurance that her nest egg will help her establish herself and her child in their new life.

During the afternoon, Fuang Fah and the other women receive vocational training, honing their skills in things like cooking, hair dressing and batik-making. This vocational training helps the students learn where their individual talents and interests lie, guiding them towards the area that offers each one the most security and fulfillment.

It’s not only language and vocational training but also emotional support that is provided to the women of the Wildflower Home. Several volunteers come to offer a variety of activities that nurture and empower the bodies, minds and spirits of the those to whom Wildflower Home offers hope and another chance at life. Every Friday evening, the staff facilitates art therapy to help soothe anxieties, release tensions, and build strength of mind. It’s yet another chance for the women to share their experience and perhaps bring to the light those things that weigh on their minds.

Today, Fuang Fah is so much stronger than when she first came to the project. She feels far more confident, and is ready to meet the life that awaits her as a single mom to her little one. Today the skies in Fuang Fah’s life are bright blue and considerably clearer than six months ago. She now has a plan for her life and the wherewithal to achieve it. Her own strength matches the power of the korn mek that struck fear into her heart six months ago, and the stormy clouds that overwhelmed her do not make her weep anymore. They only make her stronger, and she walks forward with surer steps towards the better future that is now hers