Dok Phai

Dok Phai was a 14-year old girl when she was accepted at Wildflower Home.

Three months after their arrival, both she and her baby had adjusted quite well. Dok Phai was more cheerful, and her child had gained weight and was looking chubbier and lovelier than ever. At birth the baby had weighed only about 3 pounds, so everyone was relieved to see the gains that had been made. Because she had barely entered adolescence herself, Dok Phai didn’t have much breast milk, so she had been supplementing with powdered milk.

Dok Phai was brought up like other country children whose families are poor. She had to fend for herself a lot. She did house work and gardening, as young girls her age are expected to do. Dok Phai did get to go to school, though, when the time came. She and her older half-sister were living with their maternal grandparents who were farmers.

Their mother had died of HIV/AIDS when Dok Phai was nine years old, and her father was serving a five year jail term

Dok Phai’s real problem started when she was pressured to form a relationship with an older man. He began to make advances when she was only 11 years old and in the sixth grade at school. The man was from the same village, known to and highly respected by all. He was instrumental in getting Dok Phai and her sixteen year old sister part-time jobs as weekend cleaners at his place of work. They each received wages of about $25 US a month, and used the money to buy rice and food when their grandparents ran short.

This man, their neighbor and friend, was 52 years old and had a wife and grown children with families of their own. Dok Phai had mentally elevated him to the status of honorable grandfather and believed that he regarded her as a granddaughter. Dok Phai told us that in his presence she felt safe and warm, until the day that she sensed his regard for her had changed. He wasn’t treating her like a grandchild any longer.

The first time she sensed that his feeling had changed was when she went to work at his house on a holiday:

“Aunt (his wife) asked me to take bottles of coffee to the guest room that needed to be restocked. When I entered the room he was there. He came over and hugged me. I had never been hugged before and felt that this was not the right thing he should be doing with me. I tried to move and get away from him, but I could not. I could not call for help either. I lost my energy.

At that time, I carried a pocket knife with me. I decided to pierce my stomach so that he would be scared and stop doing that thing with me. He did get scared and he stopped doing that with me. He was so upset I had stabbed myself that he wanted to take me to a hospital, but I didn’t want to go because I was afraid his wife would realize what had happened. My wound was not big, but I still have the scar three years later.

I didn’t know what I should do. I had to be alert all the time.

It did not end that day. He made an effort to get close to me often and to be good to me, too. He sometimes gave me money when I went to school, even though my sister and I were still working on weekends with him. He gave me ten baht (about 25 ¢) when I went to school, 7 baht for lunch and 3 baht for a snack.

We had sex for the first time when I went to stay with my aunt in another town, and he had a training in a nearby town. He called and asked me to meet him, and I did. He took me to his place, and he bought food and beer and said he wanted us to eat and drink together. Afterwards, I could not control myself and he did what he wanted. I didn’t dare tell anyone except my sister, and we kept the whole story a secret.”

After he’d had sexual intercourse with her for almost a year, the inevitable happened.

I learned I was pregnant when I was four months along already. At first, I wondered why I did not have my period. My sister told me that sometimes periods did not come every month. She said that sometimes they stopped for a long time and then came back again.”

Dok Phai was only 13 years old.

“After I told him I was pregnant, he told me to have an abortion. A doctor gave me drugs to take – five pills a day – but it didn’t work. Then he took me to another clinic. By that time I was five months along already. I was afraid it would be too dangerous and I would die if I had abortion, so I refused to do that.

My stomach was very small. Even when I was seven months pregnant no one noticed, and I could go to school as usual. After I finished final exams and was on term break, he left his family to stay with his friend in another province. I called and told him that if he didn’t come to see me, I would commit suicide. Then he came back and took me to stay with him. Not so long after that, I gave birth.

The baby was very small. Maybe that’s because I took medicine to abort the baby. When I see my baby’ face now, I think I should not have taken that medicine. She looks like me when I was young. I was stupid. He was also stupid not to protect me from pregnancy.”

After Dok Phai’s secret was revealed, the man’s family could not live in their small community anymore. They had to sell their house, and he began to work as a night watchman in the city. His wife was so sick over the situation that she moved to live with her eldest son in another district. Dok Phai’s family informed the police and wanted this man arrested, but Dok Phai didn’t want to punish him further.

One result of all this was that Dok Phai had had to drop out of school in the second term of 8th Grade. Her performance in school had been fair, but she was really good at sports. She can play football, volleyball, and especially ping pong very well. She’d had many chances to compete at ping pong tournaments, and had won so many times that her skill was admired by friends and teachers. Dok Phai said regretfully:

“I won a scholarship of 10,000 baht but didn’t get to use it because I got pregnant and I had to stop studying. It’s like I was dreaming.

One day I have a child suddenly. I have a boyfriend older than my father. It’s a nightmare that prevents me from dreaming anymore, though I am still young. I want to have a life like the other girls my age, but it seems like my life has already collapsed.”

She said these things laughing through her tears, as in a tragicomedy, and her despair tugged strongly at the heart. Before she can tell her story without tears, she will need to grieve her losses and heal the wounds inside.

Last week, Dok Phai decided she wanted to go back home. She wanted to live with her grandparents again. She’s talked to her teachers and they will allow her to go back to school in November. On the day she left, I saw her and her sweet daughter off at the bus station. I gave Dok Phai a book, “ฉันมีความสุข”, or “I Am Happy”. I hope that whenever she reads this book, she will be able to find some happiness in her life.

I am told that when the bamboo plant has a flower, it means it’s going to die soon. As for our young Dok Phai, our Flower Bamboo, she will try valiantly to die to her old life of grief and betrayal and begin her life anew, she and her little girl.