Jantra's Luck

“I always thought I was bad luck for anyone I loved. I loved my mother, and my father left her. I loved my little brother and he died. I loved the grandmother I lived with when my mother went away to find work, and she died…” It’s possible that believing herself bad luck and wanting to be an agent of good fortune instead is what persuaded Jantra to allow herself to be sold by her mother to a man she did not love, and to bear his child.

When her father abandoned the family early in Jantra’s childhood, her mother went to work 1000 km away and sent Jantra and her brother to live with their grandmother, who shared a home with their uncle. Their grandmother was good to them, but she didn’t protect them from the frequent beatings of their uncle. By the time she left kindergarten and having already been abandoned by each of her parents, Jantra had also lost her brother to a tragic drowning accident. While still reeling from his death, Jantra’s grandmother also passed away.

Not even seven years old and already too well-acquainted with betrayal, loss and grief! Jantra’s mother came to get her and took her to an aunt, saying “If you don’t take care of her, she’s going to an orphanage.” Thankfully, her aunt was a woman with a heart and a conscience. She accepted Jantra into her household and even more importantly, she showed her love. Finally knowing what love felt like helped Jantra endure it when the children in her aunt’s village peppered her with reminders that her own mother hadn’t loved her.

Jantra excelled at school and her aunt kept her there as long as she was able to afford it. When the money ran out, Jantra competed for and won a scholarship to junior high school. With junior high school under her belt, Jantra again competed for a scholarship, this time to senior high school, and again she won. How different her life might be today if Jantra had been allowed to attend!

Instead, her mother re-entered her life and forbade her to continue at school. She took Jantra to Bangkok and the two began to work together as waitresses. Only after their arrival was Jantra told that her mother had re-married. It was her step-father who conceived the plan to arrange a marriage between Jantra and a man they knew of who wanted to have a child.

It wasn’t love for her prospective bridegroom, but love for her mother, that led Jantra to agree to the marriage. After all, her mother really needed the money and only Jantra could get it for her. Her bridegroom didn’t love Jantra either. When she had conceived his child for him and carried it to term, he didn’t even take her to the hospital for the birth. It was her employer who did the honors.

Life wasn’t any rosier after her son was born. Jantra’s husband drank a great deal and became violent whenever he was under the influence. His violent ways eventually landed him in jail, and Jantra viewed his absence as a chance to escape and return to the aunt she had called “Mother”. For the first time in her life, Jantra’s aunt let her down by flat out refusing to acknowledge Jantra’s son. Stung, Jantra told her aunt that she had a place to go in Bangkok, and she returned to the city she had just escaped.

Jantra had been speaking to her aunt pridefully – but not truthfully. In fact, when she got off the bus in Bangkok she had no place at all to go. If she returned to her husband’s home, his family said they would take the baby away from her, and Jantra lacked the financial resources they had to fight the battle legally. She only had about 250 baht ($7) in her pocket, and no prospect of replenishing her pocket when that paltry sum was gone.

Jantra wandered the streets aimlessly until evening fell. She was settling in under an overpass for the night when a passing motorcyclist noticed her and offered assistance. He took her to a police station where she spent the night. The next day she was sent to a shelter, and from there she was referred to Wildflower Home.

Jantra wants to thank the benefactors of Wildflower Home, and to let them know that it was here that she at last realized that she was not bad luck for others. It was here that she began to believe that she was a worthwhile person, worthwhile enough that people were willing to invest time and energy into helping her and her son with no payback asked or expected.