That was the feeling of Benjamaat, a young woman, telling about the moment before she decided not to abort the one who bore her likeness.
“I was born in Bangkok. I have an older brother. My father is a policeman. He divorced my mother when I was eight years old. Now both of my parents have remarried.
At a young age I remember moving from one school to another. I had studied at six different schools before finishing high school. After that I had a small problem with my father, so I asked his permission to work in Bangkok. I got a part time job at a fast food restaurant in a supermarket and decided to continue my studies. It was at this time that I first met my boyfriend. After my brother found out about us he told me we were not allowed to see each other unless we agreed to get married. So in 2005 we decided to get engaged. I thought that would make me happy, but actually it didn’t. We both had to work hard and didn’t have time for each other. However, we were still seeing each other when I found that I was pregnant.
I felt that I was not ready to have a child, so I worked harder so as to have enough money to get an abortion. The time passed very quickly. I was already three months pregnant on the day I went to have an abortion. Before the abortion the doctor did an ultrasound.
Suddenly, after I saw a small, fragile body on the monitor, my eyes were filled with tears, and I asked myself how I could be so cruel? The baby didn’t know anything. I decided not to go ahead with the abortion. I would keep my baby!
I found an advertisement about Wildflower Home on the newspaper, and I eventually moved to stay there. I felt this would be the best place for my child and me.
Here I met the staff of Wildflower Home and made many friends. Staying is both happiness and suffering. My friends and I are able to share our joys and pains. We work and study together. We do everything together. Here I was taught the meaning of the word “relationship.” I was taught to be strong. Living here helps me to realize that my life doesn’t have to end after giving birth as a single mother. Though we all felt we had fallen by a tragic event, we knew we could stand up again strongly and confidently. Problems and obstructions teach us to be more careful.
A month after I arrived at Wildflower Home I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing almost 3 kilograms. I nic-named her “Paapphim” or “in my likeness” because she looks like me when I was a child. The meaning of her real name is “the gift of Sunday.” I like this meaning because she was born on a Sunday morning and has been the best gift I have ever received.
Paapphim drinks a lot of milk. Now she is three months old and weighs seven kilograms. She is a chubby baby. Her arms have many segments. People sometimes call her “Baby Michelin” because her shape looks like the mascot of Michelin Tires. Her hair is curly. She is cheerful and playful. My friend thinks Paapphim looks like a clown that entertains costumers in some Thai restaurants. I think it’s true as she is very funny. She makes me smile every day with her small gestures and facial expressions.
I intend to raise Paapphim 
the best I can. Seeing my child’s success will make me proud. Though when I leave here I will have to take care of my daughter alone, I know everyone here will always encourage me. Thank you for every way that Wildflower Home is supporting me. I will leave here a stronger woman for sure.
*Recently Benjamart left Wildflower Home with her with the one who bears her likeness. We are confident that her child will bloom beautifully in her hands.
“Suddenly, after I saw a small, fragile body on the monitor, my eyes were filled with tears, and I asked myself how I could be so cruel?” 